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wheaton, illinois, United States

Thursday, February 02, 2012

Beware of Darkness

This week a childhood friend of my wife committed suicide.  I did not know him.  It's surreal, reading his Facebook page now.  Outpourings of emotion from his friends, saying their goodbyes and wishes for their friend to 'rest in peace', typed into the empty, hollow shell of his page that was, up until yesterday, his primary conduit to them.  Like a raw, buzzing exposed wire - there is no longer a connection.  The circuit is broken but hot, coursing with electrical currents of grief, anger and loss.  The words are emanating into the atmosphere, powerful but useless without a connection to their target. The hurt, the energy, the ozone of loss is thick and terrible and pungent.

Tonight, at 7:55pm, his teenage son posted a Facebook message to his dad, a message that will now echo unanswered, forever.  These echoes, these reverberations will now surround this boy in a cloud, forever.  When I read his words, they physically crushed me.

"look at all these people commenting on your wall dad. look at all the sadness you caused. how could you? i wish i could have said something better to at least say good bye to you. the last thing i ever said to you was "Grow Up." i should have helped you dad. im so sorry the i couldn't..."

As his son becomes a man and is faced with his own darkness, the legacy of disconnection and suffering his father left in his stead will now be a weight on his shoulders; a legacy of disconnection and darkness rather than support, love and light.

I wish that I could give advice to him, to warn him to beware of the illusion of duality, the illusion that we are separate from the universe, from the Supreme Consciousness.  When we succumb to this illusion we move away from the light and into the darkness.  It's there that his father is now, in the dark.  Beware of the darkness.

Watch out now, take care

Beware of falling swingers
Dropping all around you
The pain that often mingles
In your fingertips

Beware of darkness

Watch out now, take care
Beware of the thoughts that linger
Winding up inside your head
The hopelessness around you

In the dead of night

Beware of sadness
It can hit you
It can hurt you
Make you sore and what is more

That is not what you are here for

Watch out now, take care
Beware of soft shoe shufflers
Dancing down the sidewalks
As each unconscious sufferer
Wanders aimlessly

Beware of maya

Watch out now, take care
Beware of greedy leaders
They take you where you should not go
While weeping atlas cedars
They just want to grow, grow and grow

Beware of darkness (beware of darkness)